Monthly Archives: October 2014



It feels like I am suspended-like I am just buying time until the pain goes away. But really, we can’t wait for an undesirable situation to subside to continue living. We find ways to assimilate- counseling, hobbies, friends, drugs.

Really though, I’m not sure how effective all the crutches are. I am here. This is my life. This is my pain. By adding all the additional insight and levels of understanding, we both add to and subtract from the suffering. Is “enlightenment” really helpful? Or should we just come to terms with what is, without all the attempts to modify reality and distract ourselves.

The ways in which traumatic handicaps affect life before trauma are the things that make the handicaps unbearable. I am crippled , and reminded of what I am missing. At the same time, understanding the way my illness gives me a place in the world allows for more comfort and patience. When we live with intention and awareness, I’m not sure the suffering can be separated from the enlightenment. I am sick. I am crippled. I am different, and in order to cope, I need strength, patience, and self-love. I can’t suspend either the pain or the life around it.