It’s been awhile since I last blogged. I was gaining a more positive attitude and I felt empowered by the blog, and some work I’d started doing online. Then, I started to get sicker. A month, or so, ago, I saw a doctor in Seattle who treats Lyme and lyme-like illness. He sees a lot of Lyme similarities in my symptoms, so I decided to work with him in doing an antibiotic-herb combination treatment for Lyme and Fibromyalgia symptoms.
There are good things and bad things about new treatments. Sometimes they have good outcomes, but there are almost always side effects. Antibiotics, especially, are very rough on the body. They completely change the environment in the gut, or intestines, which can result in serious immune and digestive symptoms. Read these articles for more info:
I was already having fatigue and digestive problems, and now I’m having more/different ones from these meds. It feels like every time I get comfortable enough to make it through a “good” day or two, I get more symptoms. I have to remind myself that getting out of my comfort zone is part of healing, and I have to remember that things won’t change unless I’m open to the change. Even then, there are very few redeeming qualities about my situation, and it’s hard to “remind myself” anything positive when I spend my time in pain, angry, and unable to do the things I want to do.
On top of the new treatment for Lyme and Fibromyalgia, I’m finally moving home so that my mom can help me while I’m in recovery. This is something that’s really heavy on my heart. I loved where I was headed: the house, the school, the independence. Having to leave Salt Lake is a final proclamation of “I’m sick, and I can’t do what I want with my life.”
I don’t believe there’s a reason for everything. I don’t think there’s some ultimate purpose for my suffering, and I don’t know why I have to endure this. I don’t think people who have cancer and ALS were chosen to suffer for some unwritten greater good. I don’t know why the world stopped me then I was happy and productive. However, I do believe that people can create “greater purpose.” I also believe that people who make it through trials come out better and stronger on the other end.
Healing takes time, endurance, knowledge, and patience. I know that a miracle cure isn’t going to come out of the sky and save me. From what I’ve experienced, people who keep their feet in the door, open to new knowledge and willing to sacrifice, are the ones that find what they’re looking for.