I was admitted to the hospital last week, which felt good in some ways. It helped externalize some of the pressure, and allowed me to rest while I was assured that experts would help me figure out my problems. I was managing with a team, instead of alone. However, there were also lots of doctors ready to twist my situation into something it wasn’t, or tell me things about myself that were more harmful than helpful. Doctors do not have privileged access to all knowledge, and they make mistakes often. We have to remember that authorities are not deities.
When we’re talking about our own healing, no one expert is going to have all the answers we need because he/she studies concepts, not individuals. We have to enter into new ways of thinking with open minds, but don’t take anything as doctrine– keep the knowledge that applies to you, and discard the rest. And NEVER disregard your own discernment– you are the authority on your own well being, and you need to protect yourself.
You can admit that you’ve made mistakes, that you need help, and still reserve the right to say “no, this is wrong for me.” Admitting that you’ve made mistakes should make you even more confident in your ability to discern right from wrong and distinguish true from false because you’ve just done those things with huge bias. You called bullshit on yourself.
There will always be a hard-headed, over-opinionated type-A personality, trying to fix you, claiming his/her way is the only way. You are stronger. You have seen past his/her way of thinking. You have recognized human error, and you have to keep an open mind always, because every situation and every individual requires unique consideration and cumulative understanding. You are not a page in a textbook, you are not a single case study, or a google search results page. You do not deserve to be viewed as any of those things.
Furthermore, you can’t let one admission of error open you up to all others, or make you think less of yourself. Don’t ever think, “because I have this problem, all the bad things everyone says about me are true.” Humility should make you think more of yourself. You are above hubris. You are expansive. You are strong. You have seen truth, will see more truth, and that will open you up to the help and healing you need.